A reflection of God's beautiful image/mother/gigging musician/actor/ poet. This is part of my expression and journey. Uncontainable, uncensored. Welcome to my poetic conversations on love, life and music. Here I unfold!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
DOWN WITH THIS MADNESS!
"It's been a hard day's night and I've been working like a dog, it's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log"...
THE BEATLES, HARD DAY'S NIGHT
This blog is supposed to be about my life and music right? Well it ain't pretty, if you're getting out of the wagon, do it now!
The glamour, nutta. The fame, ain't worth talking about and by the way, don't ever buy into the lie that folks don't wish for it, dream about it, you know "focus on the task ahead and then it will come". Call it as it is, we all wonna be famous, what differs is the degree. We all desire it, we desire the glory and recognition. Of course it's an entirely different story when you're famous for well, all the wrong reasons..
This here story though, ain't about the fame per say but rather, the unbelievably stressful vibe that goes into cutting a record just one record. Here goes..
So a certain producer offered to record my music as an 'exchange' for a performance I did awhile back. On the week we'd scheduled the recording, things took an interesting turn. The guitarist stopped picking up my calls (I figured he's running cos there was no money in the deal). Meaning I was basically stuck and we had to reschedule, again, for the umpteenth time. The very next week I hooked up with yet another guitarist (let's just say that in this business you become a langa for instrumentalists, musically speaking till the day you become established...) but then he got a high profile gig and had to dump me, no hard feelings, to go to Uganda for the job. In the end I just shut down and decided to give up on the recording.. too stressful to do it. Book rehearsal space, get a guitarist and percussionist who'll gel, teach them the music-chords and all, synch our schedules, pay for transport and the actual recording; and live my life as a mother, daughter, friend etc whoa! Too much, just couldn't take it. I also realise that if I had hard cash for this project, we would be having a totally different convo on my music and progress. Just in case you've wondered where I've been, well, I've been on my 9-5 job, part time, I have a couple of unfinished recordings. They are promising but it's quite expensive so.. working my butt off to finish up on the budget and then I'll get back to gigging. Honestly, I miss the stage. performing just does it for me.
You can't force people to believe in your vision or to wait it out. They've got to have a good reason for sticking it out with you through the bad times; when you're struggling with your dream and through the good times, when it all finally comes together. In my experience, chasing my dream has cost me friends, relationships, lots of sleep and some sanity but still, I count myself blessed, yes blessed. I'm convinced that throughout the madness and misery, there has to be something amazing in store for me. A thank you for all this trouble. If you've stuck it out with me on any level, thank you. There will be something to show for it one of these fine days...
Had a chat most recently with a pal of mine, a producer who was visiting from Portugal and he said something interesting; that moments on stage just seem to cure everything; the issues of life , you know, bad hair days, long hours in traffic, horrible relationships, bad sex or no sex.. etc. Lolest! I honestly agree, being on stage, performing or as I like to call it giving my heart is therapeutic. In that instant, nothing else matters. Nothing. Just that moment.. I look forward to it. Got mad issues to resolve:)
THE BEATLES, HARD DAY'S NIGHT
This blog is supposed to be about my life and music right? Well it ain't pretty, if you're getting out of the wagon, do it now!
The glamour, nutta. The fame, ain't worth talking about and by the way, don't ever buy into the lie that folks don't wish for it, dream about it, you know "focus on the task ahead and then it will come". Call it as it is, we all wonna be famous, what differs is the degree. We all desire it, we desire the glory and recognition. Of course it's an entirely different story when you're famous for well, all the wrong reasons..
This here story though, ain't about the fame per say but rather, the unbelievably stressful vibe that goes into cutting a record just one record. Here goes..
So a certain producer offered to record my music as an 'exchange' for a performance I did awhile back. On the week we'd scheduled the recording, things took an interesting turn. The guitarist stopped picking up my calls (I figured he's running cos there was no money in the deal). Meaning I was basically stuck and we had to reschedule, again, for the umpteenth time. The very next week I hooked up with yet another guitarist (let's just say that in this business you become a langa for instrumentalists, musically speaking till the day you become established...) but then he got a high profile gig and had to dump me, no hard feelings, to go to Uganda for the job. In the end I just shut down and decided to give up on the recording.. too stressful to do it. Book rehearsal space, get a guitarist and percussionist who'll gel, teach them the music-chords and all, synch our schedules, pay for transport and the actual recording; and live my life as a mother, daughter, friend etc whoa! Too much, just couldn't take it. I also realise that if I had hard cash for this project, we would be having a totally different convo on my music and progress. Just in case you've wondered where I've been, well, I've been on my 9-5 job, part time, I have a couple of unfinished recordings. They are promising but it's quite expensive so.. working my butt off to finish up on the budget and then I'll get back to gigging. Honestly, I miss the stage. performing just does it for me.
You can't force people to believe in your vision or to wait it out. They've got to have a good reason for sticking it out with you through the bad times; when you're struggling with your dream and through the good times, when it all finally comes together. In my experience, chasing my dream has cost me friends, relationships, lots of sleep and some sanity but still, I count myself blessed, yes blessed. I'm convinced that throughout the madness and misery, there has to be something amazing in store for me. A thank you for all this trouble. If you've stuck it out with me on any level, thank you. There will be something to show for it one of these fine days...
Had a chat most recently with a pal of mine, a producer who was visiting from Portugal and he said something interesting; that moments on stage just seem to cure everything; the issues of life , you know, bad hair days, long hours in traffic, horrible relationships, bad sex or no sex.. etc. Lolest! I honestly agree, being on stage, performing or as I like to call it giving my heart is therapeutic. In that instant, nothing else matters. Nothing. Just that moment.. I look forward to it. Got mad issues to resolve:)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
WALLS
You blocked the light from my eyes.
No, scrap that.
I let you blind me.
Seasons have come and gone.
I have worked through venom to reach out to forgiveness.
If you wreck this wall, be warned.
The contents on the other side will not be as forgiving.
I'm FINE without the thought of owning this love.
In retrospect, I've done more than that.
I've buried it.
I've got a real dead love for you right now.
Get on with it and leave.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
VACATE.
long wAlks on the beACh with my Black toes starinG at the vast bLues skIeS....
I muSt be reliVing my yester years where no PaiN included mY desirEs...I jUst took aNd swayed on mY wAy, nO reGRets.
I do nOt wAnt to meEt tHat pErSon aGaiN but sHe kEeps shOwing Up liKe An UnWanted guEst from UpCountry, chEriShEd buT Can't thEy just Call before thEy show uP?
I SUCk at tHis fOrgivEnesS thIng.. I dOn't waNt to forgeT eithEr.
caN't wE jUst go tO The bEach aNd forGet whAt I saId earLieR?
Friday, February 8, 2013
SUGAR AND SPICE...
Girls are sweet and spicy; nice and agreeable; irrational and unpredictable; feisty and complicated. At least in my opinion..Sometimes we can be all of these things all at once. Like today for example.
Though you may not tell, I have a flu & a bit of heart trouble (seeing as Valentine's coming up and people who are called Valentine are naturally supposed to have a Valentine; I'm just saying....)
I on the other hand, having been named V-a-l-e-n-t-i-n-e... That's it, I don't have any thing more to add. Really!
So I have a show in two hours time..make up comes in handy so I don't look like last night's dinner. hmmph
I love my work but today..I just wish I was in bed. Alone. Relaxing and sleeping it off. Resting my heart, mind and soul. It's Friday after all.
Can't we just postpone Valentine's until I find my Valentine? I've figured out who I'd like it to be, it's just that he hasn't.
So today I'm sugar and spice; sweet and sour; feisty and complicated all at once.
Can you blame me?
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
GIFT FROM HEAVEN
 |
| Gratia-gift from heaven. |
Oh so back to my 'good' day. I'm alive, sane (I think), a little randy (did I just type that!) but focused... despite a few distractions & excited about my new play. Well not so new considering it opened last Wednesday and there are only 5 more shows to go.
I play a ... very..um, how do i put it? A very.. blunt and risque character; who's slightly intimidating (she speaks & acts her mind) & from the looks of the audience,( who are sometimes a bit unnerved by the character's audacious mannerisms) she is quite a number.
I must admit, I'm enjoying it. Every little bit. Kinda scares me..
I almost dressed like her today but before I left the house, someone pointed out that I might be internalizing my character (Gratia) just a tee wee much...
I changed...grudgingly..My excuse? I wanted to feel 'light'. But I have to ask..myself.. Am I in(side) her (Gratia) or is she in me?
Dilemma...
Shows are on from tomorrow, Wednesday at 7 till Sat at 3. Sat 6 pm show is sold out. Yeah, that's how good the cast of six is, so don't miss out !
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Life Happens..
"Why are they celebrating broken things, I don't want a world with broken things", so says John Mayer in his song 'Someone Speak For Me'.
This words ring so true in my heart. I hate goodbyes, break ups, conflicts..I hate it when people I love or cherish leave. I hate it even more when they act like they had a tea party with the devil's evil twin, who in turn poisoned them against me (that's just the only way to explain their weird behaviour. Just in case you're wondering, I'm as saintly as they come; of course it's never my fault!
)
Guess what? Life happens. People leave. Love ends. Friends walk away. All the time.
I've taken to reading more and more. In fact, these past three weekends I've been indoors reading up on few books namely: Frank Mc Court's 'Tis and Helen Fielding's 'Bridget Jones Diary'. I guess I just wanted to remember what it's like to be in my own skin whilst enjoying my company. That said, there are a few people whom I genuinely miss... and I can't tell them this face to face because they;
1. might not believe me
2. it might be too soon..
3. the separation might be a good thing, in the long run.
Still, I don't want a world with broken things....
This words ring so true in my heart. I hate goodbyes, break ups, conflicts..I hate it when people I love or cherish leave. I hate it even more when they act like they had a tea party with the devil's evil twin, who in turn poisoned them against me (that's just the only way to explain their weird behaviour. Just in case you're wondering, I'm as saintly as they come; of course it's never my fault!
)Guess what? Life happens. People leave. Love ends. Friends walk away. All the time.
I've taken to reading more and more. In fact, these past three weekends I've been indoors reading up on few books namely: Frank Mc Court's 'Tis and Helen Fielding's 'Bridget Jones Diary'. I guess I just wanted to remember what it's like to be in my own skin whilst enjoying my company. That said, there are a few people whom I genuinely miss... and I can't tell them this face to face because they;
1. might not believe me
2. it might be too soon..
3. the separation might be a good thing, in the long run.
Still, I don't want a world with broken things....
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
POISON FOR ONE
You don't know forgiveness until you're lying on the floor with both your hands holding on to your insides & you are sure you're about to die.
Your chest thumps like giant drums vast heavy sounds, tribal chants. For a moment there it feels like the ants are in your ears tearing away at your heart,
then you hush...
A fighting spirit rises in your throat from a divine source whispering, you cannot be slave to pain..slave to the chains that somehow
made their way from the past locked your arms and refused
to let you breathe the only way you will live through
the night is if you just
FORGIVE.
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