AMBROSIA

I relish the taste of sweetness.

Strawberry scented

The sweet sensation of something delectable.

An agreeable experience.



Instead i have this acidic aftertaste in my mouth,

Climbing from my veins and in to my throat.

Why did you have to be so jaded?

EBONY

Ebony is about a woman's love-hate relationship with her body, her hair in particular. I'd know. I used to shave my hair every time the things i wanted to go my way didn't work out i.e. until i grew locks. I have my moments when i desperately want to cut them but the urge to fling them around like a mad woman always wins the day. So that's how I've managed to keep them for so long-eight years to be precise. It's been a beautiful journey. I've found ways of releasing my anger and frustrations which doesn't involve shaving my hair or mutilating my body lol. Hope this sheds some light to this piece.

There once was a woman

Her glory was falling

Falling.

The woman and her glory, falling

Fallen.

Her sigh of defeat grew silent ,

but not the spirit of her defiant nature.

She knew it was far from over.

She lies but never dies.

She had a lot of fire in her,

a lot of fight still left within her.

Her glory was falling.

Shimmering, colossal, mass of black

Ebony wool fallen.

How it glimmered in the hot sun

You could tell from a distance.

Beautiful, just like her

RESILIENT

spirit.

The world around her is a sham.

Ugly.

I saw through her secret ritual.

Purging her soul of the ugliness.

Cleansed.

Her black wool, lying in the stillness beside her.

Her heart started to bleed as she quietly gazed at her glory.

Then,

A ray of light fell upon her smoldering, black, olive eyes.

I could see her tears now,

rolling down unto

the ebony wool,

Next to her bare feet.

She lifted her smooth hands and gently stroked her fallen glory.

A tiny smile started to crease her round face.

Sated,

She lay claim to her peace.

This , her sacrifice.

Crashed.
Resolve not to hope for the hopeless
Decide not to love the unlovable.
Receive with part gratitude, part skepticism.
Regret the unsaid and
Relive the past when dreams seemed possible to achieve.....

AWAKEN!
Then live. and let live.

THE MEMOIRS OF A BROKEN HEART.

STORIES OF A NEW BORN.

Is what I've heard loud and clear?
All these stories collecting in my ear
of a new born child
That didn't involve the warmth of my womb.
Just that paltry manhood
You like to justify your existence with.
I am beguiled of strength to
Insult you,
Tempted to scratch your flashy car,
Tear at those inflated tires and finally,
Attempt to
Inflict you with
Bodily harm
Only reserved for adulterous scoundrels
such as yourself.


Revenge should amount to anguish
Relatively proportionate
To all the pain and misery you've put me through.
The desire to unleash
The rage enclosed in my rib cage ,
At how much time
It took to uncover this ruse
Suddenly,
Overwhelms my senses.


Is this where you live my dear-
A majestic abode which remains ,
Unfurnished by
My time tested, womanly embrace?
No time to usher me in.


My fiery-
Thigh rubbing
Tongue twirling,
Body meshing -Love,
You decline.

Turn and look around you!
Yeah it's me,
Whose heart once bled for you.
Whose peace washed away for yours.
Whose love you merrily pissed on!
Today ,
YOU delicately whisper into my ear
Of how many nights you've spent in distress,
Soiled by regret recalling:
How,
Once-upon-a-time,
This lovely flower
This superstar fantasy
with her timeless allure,
Would have sacrificed her all ,
for you
But you long missed the boat.


Finally I pause and ponder- Sella!
I suppose my future self
is relieved from fatigue;
All that yelling through the time machine ,
"It's HIS loss not yours" she proclaims.
True,
What, I wonder, did I ever see in you to begin with?


THE END.

You know what?(of course you don't:)am not having the best of days.Am not in a particularly ecstatic place in my life right now,granted that am grateful for the breath of day and that my lovely daughter is healthy and strong;i feel a little displaced.

Not sad or angry...indifferent maybe but am not ashamed to say(as i borrow from Miss Bonita Belle) i haven't got it all together.

On the flip side,it's always good to remember those things in your life that are worth fighting for.They give you the fervor and fear you need to fight back stress, disappoint or failure ,especially when you feel you're just too good to be experiencing bad shit.but today,it's okay if you don't have the answers;am definitely lacking in that area.Am smiling through it all and looking like a million bucks.

Don't say it's over yet!!

The day is BIG
full of promise and undeniably beautiful.
I will judge myself less and enjoy my shortcomings,
as i await to be molded by the Great I AM.

Nenda by Valentine Kamau

True Story: CASE OF THE EX WHO JUST WON'T REST

I think this past week has been one of my most challenging yet.I had to face major and i mean major demons.Yes I've made poor choices in the past knowing full well that I'd have to face the consequences sooner than later but i guess when the reality sets in,the weight of it all becomes much harder to carry. Worse still,someone whom i imagined to be a shoulder to nuzzle on, judged me for being me!hmm...now you may wonder how come I've been friends with this person for as long(actually close to seven years..)to which i can only say,bad habits are hard to kick!!
You should be around those who make you feel strong when you're at your lowest and not characters who kick you in the shin when you're already licking you're wounds on the floor.i must admit though the truth hurts!!!
My supposed ex called the other day but i didn't pick up.Not because i ignored his call;(my phone was actually in another area and i didn't hear it ring),it's just that i didn't get the opportunity to debate on the wisdom of opening the communication lines once more.I wasn't sad.I actually felt a little victorious;i had a huge smirk on my face.Then,after a few minutes,i started to wonder if he indeed misses me, or if he's still in love with me!! Silly,huh?
I suppose it must mean am still in love with him and am hoping he feels the same.How will i know without picking up his phone calls?Am afraid that when i hear the sound of his voice, I'll forget how much he pisses me off by being so passive when I've foolishly declared my undying devotion to him in this past year,am afraid of going back to the same roller coaster of emotions and drama.
So no. I refuse to go back to feeling worthless,waiting around for his affection to gain my validation as a person,as a woman and as a mother of his child.Nope.He's going to have to work harder to get me back.
But then again,it was just a phone call....

Go!Go!It's your birthday!

Wow the big 2_ is here!!at least i can still say twenty-something....but am no longer afraid of aging .actually since i gave birth,I've been feeling(and looking)younger.Thank You lord for all that i am.i trust You with my life,my every breath.....
What will i remember most about this past year?hmmmm...let's see....gazillions of comfort food when i screwed up (which was like hundreds of times),tears of joy when Cella;my lovely angel took her first steps,tears of sadness when her father wasn't there to see her,her first words-beautiful music to my ears and great opportunities that found me and missed me.ha.....i'll miss you 2009.
Thank You Father for all that You've done for me.loving me even when i was too foolish to see it.thank You Mum and Dad for all your love and support.Thank you sisters and kid brother for the truth,the laughter and your love and support
Finally,Thank you Cella,my pride and joy.i love you sooooooooo much.I thank God for you.YOU ARE PRECIOUS!!!!
And if you spoke the truth,bailed me out when i was stuck in a rut,kept me grounded and loved me as i am (and appreciated my love and time),this is for you too!thank you.you are friend indeed.
HERE'S TO GROWING UP AND LOVING IT....I AM LIKE WINE,I GET BETTER WITH TIME HA!

MASTERMINDS Part 1.

Every being must question the science behind their doctrine
believe in a creed
declared supreme
enclosed within high walls
laying watch for white smoke
from the the strategic chimney
signs of the end times.

Every being
has a song to sing
an idea to bring
solutions for the great masses
even if we might not live to see
the end to disease,greed and interference from overseas
we still insist
a better world we must see.

YO,Am Alive!

Expression has the power to free the mind from oppression and objections which only seek to suppress the truth.

And this truth,created to release me from the yokes of darkness and ignorance, threatens to overwhelm me at my best.
I refuse to let go.
I refuse to sink into those things that i so loathe.
I refuse to become my mistakes
My past does not define who i am
Hallo new day!!!!!!!!!!!!
.

Laying out this lines for you.

these are words to express what i feel for you.
words yearning for escape through the tones of the womb
yet i humbly suppress the urge to kiss and foretell,
i choose my pen.

i love you like am the first child to come into the heart of a first time mother.
i want all your attention,to suck from the sweet nectar of your affections,
uninhibited.

i love you though am scared you'll back away and leave me hanging like a fool.

I've acted the fool,ballooned with righteous food
only to loose the only thing i always suspected was true.

i love you sweets,you who blew me to the roof,loved and left me bruised,
i forgave and looked past the two to see the inner you,
the stuff that really matters,
all i can do is be real with you.
will you too?

Up,Up And Away!!

Yup that's me today,no longer wallowing in self pity and ardent thoughts of self destruction.I embarked on a deliciously amazing journey today...Today.The beginning of a new path as i deliberately and determinedly depart from the past.You know like in that soulful Dionne Farris track(from the Love Jones soundtrack) Hopeless?here are the lyrics to the first verse at least.Hope you feel it.

"hallo morning/when does the fun begin/goodbye morning/sorry it had to end/you see i cry just a little too long/now it's time for me to be strong/hallo morning/sure missed you last night/goodbye morning/you just won't do me right/you see i stay just a little too long/and now it's time for me to move on...

Yup.am finally up and away i fly!!whoa!Won't you join me....

THE DAY DREAMER....

I have cherished dreams.
Filled with the ice cream musings of days gone by and a beautiful constellation in the night time.
Ah!such starry nights!!

Behold the amazing wonders
Sunny on some good days then blown away by midnight.
Oh my dreams!sigh!!
They never cease.